Friday, December 14, 2007

A (partial) list of things other people like that I can't stand

Bruce Campbell
Special shout out to my friends Emily, ADogg and Jimmy, all of whom would repeatedly kiss this guy on the mouth and feet, were they ever to meet him. I can understand liking him in an ironic, hipster kind of way, the same way people "like" Journey, for example. His mugging and overacting in the "Evil Dead" movies is kind of funny, but what nobody wants to admit is that all of those movies suck. Granted, they kind of fall into that so-bad-it's good category, but once again, while that might be fine for people who like Bruce and his body of work as a kitschy joke, to celebrate the man as an artist is a little much. Take away those "Evil Dead" films, and what has he done? "Bubba Ho-Tep" was amusing, but try and name some of his other movies, ones he's in for reasons other than his pals Sam Raimi and the Coen brothers throwing him an occasional bone. "McHale's Navy"? "Serving Sarah"? Luckily, Bruce seems to have a sense of humor about his career.

2001: A Space Odyssey
There are some pretty cool images here in between eons of absolutely nothing happening. I admit I haven't seen this the whole way through, which probably taints my opinion on the matter, but it hasn't been from lack of trying. I watch all kinds of things. High school sex comedies. Bad Kung-Fu flicks. Ken Burns documentaries. A few days ago, while in bed sick, I watched "Touch of Evil", "Election", "The Treasure of Sierra Madre" and "The Karate Kid", all in the same day. So I'd like to think I can appreciate all kinds of movies. But time seems to stop when I try to watch "2001", and by the time it reaches the two-hour mark, my brain has been turned to mush. So, I've never been able to make it all the way through "2001". Too bad, I hear it's quite a movie.

Bob Dylan
Speak up, dude. You're mumbling again.

Pamela Anderson-Lee
I just never really found her attractive. Yes, even in her prime. She's not exactly hideous; I just wasn't ever too impressed. And it's not that I don't like dimwitted blondes with cartoonish upper bodies. Hell, I thought Anna Nicole Smith was hot as recently as three or four years ago. But even if I were to overlook the fact that she has Hep C, she slept with Tommy Lee AND Kid Rock and she starred in "Barbed Wire", I wouldn't be attracted to Pammy. She just looks dirty, like I'd need to cover her with delousing powder before I let her into my home. By all accounts, she's a really nice person though, and she does care a lot about animals.

90% of video games released after the late '90s
The newest gaming console I own is a beat-up Playstation 2, and I have a grand total of three games for that; the last three installments of the "NBA 2K" series. Other than the occasional sports game, I haven't really been big into videogames since the heyday of the Nintendo 64. Usually if I'm with a big group of people and they end up playing "Halo", I'm the guy who goes outside for a cigarette and resigns himself to the fact that he might be very bored for the next couple of hours.

Baseball
I single-handedly dispel the myth that Latinos are good at beisbol.

Jagermeister
I'm not a big drinker or anything, but there's certain things I'll drink and there's certain things you couldn't pay me to sip. And then, there's Jagermeister. It's like drinking cough syrup, only if you drink enough of it, you'll get throwed. Only I heard that happens with cough syrup, too. In fact, while undoubtedly safer than drinking large amounts of cough syrup, the rest of the Jagermeister experience could likely be simulated by taking a little Robutussin to the head.

The Beatles
Just kidding!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

The Wu could be through

"Hey, so what do you think of '8 Diagrams'? I dunno if I'm really feelin it."

A friend of mine sent me this message on Facebook today in regard to the new Wu-Tang Clan album. I've known him since kindergarten. Growing up, the two of us were bonafied Wu fanatics. We bought the albums, the clothes, the concert tickets; anything with that big black "W" logo on it had to be ours. Long after they were considered washed up, we were still checking for the nine Staten Island superheroes. They were comic book characters come to life, X-Men under the influence of fat blunts and kung-fu movies. Now, after a four year break, "8 Diagrams" is their latest effort as a group. The spotlight has been off of them for years, and this album, with reports of bickering amongst the group, could be their last. I wanted them to go out on top. They're not gonna.

The rejuvenated Clan could have made a great album, but it appears group Svengali/producer RZA let his ego get in the way. Many other Wu members have come forth to denounce him, claiming that he completely micromanaged "8 Diagrams" and ignored all other input. RZA himself admits the album was produced under a "dictatorship" and not a "democracy". He has no one but himself to blame for the results.

The rapping isn't the problem. Other than the intolerable U-God, all the MCs sound great. Method Man, still the group's biggest star, hasn't performed this well in a decade. The underappreciated Masta Killa gets more face time than on past efforts and does an excellent job. Ghostface, always a model of consistency, does his thing, and, although everyone else is past their prime, they're still better than most MCs today.

If the MC'ing exceeds expectations, RZA's beats fail to meet them completely. Almost universally regarded as a musical genius (name another hip hop producer who's done scores for Tarantino and Jarmusch films), RZA has been Wu-Tang's heart and soul from the jump. Now, for the first time, he seems to be lacking inspiration. "Tar pit", "Unpredictable" and "Campfire" are just three of many songs that feature quality rapping over subpar production.

Occasionally on "8 Diagrams", RZA has a flashback to his glory days and creates a sonic palette worthy of his past work. "Wolves" features the great George Clinton filling the role of the Clan's late jester, Ol' Dirty Bastard, while RZA's track combines eerie chanting with an eastern flute sample. It's the rare case of an "8 Diagrams" song with a beat and hook comparable to the rapping. Other quality songs include the ominous "Stick Me For My Riches", despite some awful singing, and the heartfelt tribute to Ol' Dirty, "Life Changes". "Rushing Elephants" takes the title for best song on the album, as Raekwon, GZA, Masta Killa and RZA all drop excellent verses, one after another, with no chorus to slow the momentum. It's the closest they come to capturing that vintage Wu sound.

Were it the debut album of some unhyped group of newjacks, "8 Diagrams" would likely be fawned over by rap critics. There's not a truly bad song on the disc, although the cheesy "Starter" comes close. But from a collective as talented as the Wu-Tang Clan, it's fair to expect excellence from them every time out, especially when delivering an album as important as this one.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Pimp C

How do you condense a man's life into a handful of neat paragraphs? How can you explain a person's sweeping influence on a culture and sum up their entire legacy in a few hundred words? This is the dilemma I'm faced with as I try to write a fitting eulogy for fallen musician Pimp C, who passed away recently in a Los Angeles hotel room. He wasn't a superstar, but his influence on the music world was undeniable and couldn't possibly be captured in the space of a blog entry.

Chad "Pimp C" Butler was one-half of Port Arthur, TX's seminal rap group UGK. Texas hip hop has reached an all-time high in popularity, and many of the groups currently reaping the benefits are direct descendants from the UGK school of rap. Pimp sang his own melodic hooks and used live instruments to craft funky beats for he and his partner Bun B to rhyme over. UGK's use of slowed down vocal samples, self-sung choruses and bubbling bass, along with their laidback rhymes about "slabs", "boppers" and "pourin up" influenced countless MCs since the duo released their first album, "Banned", in 1988.

Bun B was the better MC of the pair, a rapper's rapper with a rapid-fire flow and intricate lyrics. But Pimp's colorful persona, his proficiency as a producer and a musician, and his gift for writing and singing catchy hooks were what made UGK's sound so distinctive. He always proved a funny and lively interview, and his blunt rhymes had a cynical sense of humor that belied their simplicity.

Pimp C's epitaph deserves to contain the word "innovator". He helped lay the groundwork for a style still being used successfully by artists today. In fact, Texas rap done in the fashion of UGK is more popular than ever, so, if anything, giving his own limited commercial success, it can be argued Pimp C was too ahead of his time. But instead of being bitter, Pimp was clearly pleased that the musical blueprint he'd designed had given birth to so many other careers. Even though he's gone, the tradition he started will carry on.